My Most Recurring Nightmare

Ever since I was a child I have had vivid and sometimes lucid dreams. As the years progressed became more and more aware of my dream state. I am 22 years old and when I am in bed alone I will not sleep without noise in the background. Whether that is a TV for noise and light or my cellphone. Which can i tell you that saying ” my phone died because i was watching youtube on it lastnight and so my alarm didn’t ring” is a horrible excuse to tell your  boss for being late.

 

Anyway, there is one dream that once in a while creeps up on me and it has been a few years so, i have decided to share it with everyone. HERE WE GOOOO

 

 

I went to bed with the lamp and television on….

When I woke up my television is off and my lamp was only shining a few inches around itself. At this point, feeling’s of immense danger crept up on me. I immediately sat up in my bed and leaned over the bottom right corner of my bed towards my nightstand. When pulled the metal string it clicked but it didn’t change the light was still only shining a couple inches around it. I realized in this moment that I had to be dreaming. I looked around my dark room and I saw the hallway light on through the crack under my door. I glanced over at the lamp again and saw the face of a man with red paint around his mouth and black paint covering up every other piece of him. He smiled with no teeth just a hollow black orifice. He had long and wild black hair. Although he only appeared for a second I was terrified. I threw my blanket over my face and shut my eyes to try and wake myself up. After two tries it was no use I was stuck in this dream at least for a little while longer. When I pulled my blanket off I realized the hallway light was still on. I didn’t want the dark-faced man to show up again so, I ran towards the hallway and threw open my door. I went towards my grandmother’s room which is next to mine. When I walked in and shut the door gun shot sounds became almost dulling. I ducked as low as I could and could hear the bullets gracing the back of my neck as I lay in  fetal-like position. When the shots subsided I lifted my head cautiously to look for my grandmother and what I saw was nothing short of extraordinary. In her room there were no bullet holes. Everything was perfectly in tact and my grandmother sat up in her bed with a concerned look on her face. Then next to her bed was another bed of the exact same layout with a woman who looked exactly like her but, she had a menacing look on her face. This evil faced woman began yelling at me and though her words sounded like white noise it gave me the unhinging urge to retreat. The issue here was that I could not leave my sweet grandmother alone in there with this evil doppelganger. I yelled to her so she could leave with me but, no sound left my lips. Then, miraculously the floor under the evil granny started to dissipate and she fell through. I saw this as a perfect opportunity to grab my grandmother and leave the house. I ran up to her bedside and grabbed her by the wrist. when I made it downstairs I realized her wrist was no longer in my grasp. She was now sitting in a recliner next to the evil granny. I begged and pleaded with my grandmother to leave with me but, she would not budge. She still could not hear a word I was saying and I then realized a second time that I was dreaming. So, I ran upstairs to my room and shut the door. I walked to my bed and looked over to the left where my lamp was. The black-faced man began to grin and I ran and hid under my covers. I attempted to wake myself up. The man was now in front of the edge of my bed. I covered myself again and began pleading with my body to wake up. This time when I peeked up the man was climbing onto my bed. The third time I didn’t stop until  I felt my body completely jolt up. When I finally woke up I was in my room and it was the morning. My TV was sat there playing Disney Channel and my lamp was on how I had left it as well.

After having this dream a few times I became accustomed to the idea of knowing I am dreaming and controlling my anxiety. Just long enough to escape my dreams. What I find so terrifying about the dream is that I sleep with the lights on to escape the dark and then I ended up dreaming of the dark I fear most. I have spent countless nights trying to break night that now I only fall asleep when I am absolutely exhausted.

 

 

 

tell me your crazy nightmare experiences or if you have had lucid experiences!!!

 

thank you for reading

 

Love,

 

VeronikaMarz

 

Advice Column 

Hello Beautiful people, 

I’d like to introduce myself by my nickname for ya Ronnie. 🙂 
In my life it seems to me that people love to open up to me about their problems and I love to give advice or just be there to hear you out. If anyone is out there and feels alone in their life and wants someone to just hear them out or they wants some empathy for their situation. You know someone to understand you I am here and you can email me at 

AdviceKitten@gmail.com 🙂 

Writing is For fighters

I am freedom on a page,

I never watch what I have to say,

The ink bleeds and I scribble all my pain,

You could rip the pen out of my hand but you can’t take the page,

Constantly arguing with myself and it’s grave,

Still dreaming of an angel to show me some grace,

I mean how many debts does one girl have to pay?

I’m insane with clarity inside the haze,

Didn’t really expect you to appreciate,

I just thought maybe someone could relate,

I am not perfect my genetics don’t have that strain, 

I am disintegrating the hate,

Opening up the book and reading until my eyes bleed, 

I see you for everything they do not see,

I cut through the facade of your ID,

You play games to fit in with hierarchy,

Don’t you see they never want good to oversee,

we are kind and fragile, evil as evenings, we find ourselves screaming, mother keeps preaching,

about things you know she don’t believe in, it’s probably why this child stop believing, 

I don’t care about what you think, 

I only care for a second and then I blink,

Another thought to think. Where do we come from? 

Why did we come here?

 Why are we not strong? 

Why do we follow? The ones who do us wrong? 

Why do we feel fear? Why is life so long? Or is it short I don’t really know how long I’ll be here. 

I just hope I die in some peace knowing that I tried and persevered.

 I won’t fall in the pool of my tears. No suicide here. 

We’re not cowards strength is in your soul.

 I am the sensitive child with a lion rawr. Defends those that can not speak for themselves. 

I am heaven inside but outside I am hell.

I fought to break my shell,  

You see me fighting but you don’t know what for. 

Probably would see it different if you lived inside my dome. 

YOUNG LOVE

You hold all my secrets dear and true.

Everyday I wake up and all I see is you.
When you’re not around I look for you too
It’s that I can’t get my eyes off of you
When you’re gone there is a hole in my heart
I don’t ever want us to be a part
With you I create art
I mean where do I start?
We’ve been together through my youth and I could always count on you
It’s like meant to be is only true with you
I like to hold you all day
I like to grasps you in all ways
I am under your curse and it only gets worse
You give me freedom to choose but you know I’ll never leave you
The lock on your face is like the lock on my heart.
I need a code just to start
I need your light everyday and I don’t know how stay away
I am addicted to your purpose in my place
I am addicted to your connection in every way
I am addicted to your world and your views
I am addicted, what can I do?
Cell. Phone.

YOU DONT KNOW

You don’t know what it’s like to be alone. You don’t know what it’s like to handle everything on your own, putting a face on for everyone to prove you’re okay. You don’t know how it feels to hide from everyone so they can stop keeping tabs on you. You don’t know what it’s like to not trust anyone and not have anybody to run to. When something happens I only have myself. I don’t have parents to call or friends to save me. I have nowhere to go and escape reality. I could take drugs but I know where that will lead me so I sit here. In perpetual loneliness praying for the day I make a friend. Praying for the day I make amends with everything that’s transcended. Hoping to be freed from the anxiety built up over years of opening my heart to those who have spray painted over all my love. Those who have drawn me in with fake love and courtesy that made me feel at home. Those who took my secrets and exposed them for surprised looks and intrigued conversation against me. For those who treated me nicely in my face and took me for granted. Those who were so happy to have my loyalty but yet didn’t feel a need to give me any. I don’t hate you because you probably don’t know what you’ve done. I was the one who let you, I was the one who let my guard down knowing this was a fake. How could anybody really love me? I’m just a magnet for those who need a punching bag or a doormat… I am just the wall you scream at that knows your secrets yet utters them to no one because I still show you the respect that you never showed me. I am going to break free from this like I have in the past and I will be delighted to read this when I do. Delighted that I grew wings that help me sore with truth. 

(Side note: I use poetry to help get bad feelings off my chest in a healthy way, and I hope that whoever does read this and any of my writings can feel a connectedness that you aren’t alone even when you are down others have felt that way too. I also hope that the hard times push you to want more beautiful and happy times in your life and that you prosper beyond all the negativity and can find the beauty of knowing pain to appreciate joy) 

 You Chose

 This is not my poem by any means but I think it is a good poem for someone who needs a little break from feeling sorry about theirselves. 👍🏼
You chose.

You chose.

You chose.
You chose to give away your love.

You chose to have a broken heart. 

You chose to give up. 

You chose to hang on.
You chose to react.

You chose to feel insecure.

You chose to feel anger.

You chose to fight back.

You chose to have hope.
You chose to be naïve. 

You chose to ignore your intuition.

You chose to ignore advice.

You chose to look the other way. 

You chose to not listen. 

You chose to be stuck in the past. 
You chose your perspective. 

You chose to blame. 

You chose to be right.

You chose your pride. 

You chose your games.

You chose your ego.

You chose your paranoia. 

You chose to compete.

You chose your enemies.

You chose your consequences.
You chose.

You chose.

You chose.

You chose.
However, you are not alone. Generations of women in your family have chosen. Women around the world have chosen. We all have chosen at one time in our lives. We stand behind you now screaming: 
Choose to let go.

Choose dignity. 

Choose to forgive yourself.

Choose to forgive others.

Choose to see your value.

Choose to show the world you’re not a victim.

Choose to make us proud.

Shannon L. Alder

Mothers Struggle.

Hey sweet child I’m sorry I brought you in this world. Innocent little girl, my life’s been on a whirlwind a rollercoaster of dreams and all of my demons seem to overbear every dream that I think of. They’re weighing on my shoulders so I can not hold ya. And your father is never around I don’t know how long I can hold up. Thought he was my prince charming but love is so alarming. One day you’re in a dream and next thing you’re fallin, into a pit of all your regrets and holding on to an image of what you think should come next. I disappointed myself and I know that you disapprove, you’re so much older now look you in those shoes, of a proud woman,so strong and so forgiving, I just wanted to thank the lord for the life that you’ve been given, its a blessing to me that I created a child that sees me through all my faults and deems me innocent after every trial. I’m exhausted lately and I feel like your brother hates me, the other is seventeen and he’s having his first baby and that thought alone has been beating me lately ,because yesterday I watched my own sweet baby die he took one breathe at least I got to see him alive. Why is my life filled with such misfortune? you know that I’m trying im just asking you all to hold in,your grief for the time we have lost, I am so apologetic i know that I’ve been wrong, but life never came with a manual, and at least one tragic event happens to me annual, I am not strong enough to hold all of my burdens I wake up and feel like Im alone in the world deserted, I’ve been stuck here in a high for five years dreaming of a life free from these chains that hold me and my peers, praying that one day I finally run out of tears. And i take another pill just to take me away from here.